Introductions

As my children have become older, I notice a trend.  My name has been shortened. “Mom”.  And not even like a superhero shortened.  I am not INCREDA-Mom.  Nope just “Mom”.  At times I wish it could even be “Mommy “like when they were wide eyed and thought I was capable of all things.  There is the occasional “Madre”, when they are attempting to charm me with their Italian vocabulary.  When we are visiting our New York family, a “Ma!” does dare to cross their lips.  I am from Texas, and “Ma” is not a name I will respond to kindly.  My response to “Ma” is along the lines of “excuse me, would you like to try that again?”  they get the hint. 

Which brings me to the topic I would like to discuss with you.  At what point do we stop being introduced as “insert child’s name- Mother”?  If teachers and coaches are addressed with a formal title, should a parent except the same?  Is there an age for this transition?  My people are turning into teenagers, and I feel the call to now be introduced as Mrs. Zegarelli.   Allow me to expand on this. 

I notice that at school students have no problems at school referring to their teachers by last name.  And they regard their teachers quite well, rarely reporting a feeling of disconnect.  Quite the opposite.  They respect the hierarchy.   With Coaches, there has been a transition to last names.  And I see my children treat them with a little more reverence.  It has given me pause. 

I admit Zegarelli is not the easiest of names to say.  But it is also not impossible.  I know this because I called my Mother-in-Law Mrs. Zegarelli until she told me otherwise.  This was how I was taught.  Formality until the adult gives direction otherwise.   

Our children are introducing us as with our last name.  Why this formality?  It is a life skill to be able to handle introductions without stumbling over the words.  It is our hope to have our children grow confident in meeting people and remembering names.  To look a person in the eye and say your name is a confidence skill.  Bonus points if you say the other person’s name back with a “nice to meet you!”     

We are not backtracking and do not expect old friends to now call us Mr. and Mrs.  I am trying to jump in and laugh with my kiddo’s friends when I notice they do not know what to call me.  I have even asked, what are you comfortable calling me?  And we decide together.  Why not just be Mrs. Mona, or (and I shudder at this) Mom Z?  Because it is OK for a child to be a little uncomfortable and recognize that a grown up should not be spoken to the same way they speak to their peers.  From my perspective, the most important piece is to have conversations with children.  Open the door to expectations and why your family feels and acts the way it does.  There is no one rule to this.  But there are LOTS of options.  Find your family’s culture and practice it!  There can be a strength from knowing your family’s foundation, and lots of memories of bumbled introductions!   

Thank you for taking a few moments to read this page.  I hope to say “Hi” when we see each other out and about.  If you would like to connect or have a question or suggestion for me to entertain in this space, please use the contact form for TheHopefulHostess.com. Until next time, Mona.