I have been fired from a few places of employment. I am part of a group of people that know the gut feeling when you are called into a meeting unexpectedly. The phrase, “We are going to talk in my office”, then seeing the human resources representative walk in, you know there is something coming. To be fair, I have also been the person on the other side of the table, ending a person’s employment. Both roles are uncomfortable. My purpose in writing about getting fired is not to tell stories. Instead, I thought it would be nice to give a few practical pointers on how to handle the moment.
Above all else, if you have been fired or if you are the person doing the firing, please know we are all human. There are two sides to every story, and the truth is relative to who is telling the tale. This is NOT legal advice and should not be taken as guidance or professional council. The information below represents my personal reflections and antidotal experience. Always seek appropriate professional help as it relates to your situation.
To start; consider reading your company handbook often, before there is a situation when you might need it. Use that document as your first source for any questions at work. Most places of employment have a few paragraphs regarding, “separation from the company”. Voluntary, meaning you choose to leave. Involuntary, means your company releases you from employment. Texas, where I live, is an “At Will” employment state. From the Texas Workforce Commission Website, they write, “either party in an employment relationship may modify any of the terms or conditions of employment, or terminate the relationship altogether, for any reason, or no particular reason at all, with or without advance notice.” (https://efte.twc.texas.gov/pay_and_policies_general.html). In short what that means, yes, they can fire you, and yes, you most likely will not know when it will occur.
When you are fired, be a professional. This is not the moment to say every pent up thought or express any deep-rooted frustration. You should know that the person leading the conversation has been highly trained and will not respond or engage. Their goal is to end the meeting quickly and to accompany you out of the office area with as little attention as possible. The element of surprise will most likely take your rational mind out of the picture.
When you find yourself in that situation, please try to:
Pause, take three breaths, hold your composure.
Do not rush out of the room.
You get to ask questions. Possible ones being:
When is my last date I will be paid for?
What are the terms of my dismissal? (Just like a job offer, there are terms when terminating an employee)
Who is your point of contact moving forward?
Ask for a formal letter of separation. This should define from the company everything you discussed at the termination meeting.
Truth, there might be tears. You are human and emotions happen. Being fired is a crisis situation for a person. If you are feeling extremely unstable or extremely emotionally distraught, tell the people in the room. Ask for help or a moment to compose yourself.
Stand up, and shake hands with the people in the room. Calmly follow the exit procedures. You do not know when your paths will cross again in the professional or personal world. The golden rule of, “Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.”, is very important. Be remembered for your dignity and professionalism.
Gather your personal belongings with minimal discussion. If you are not allowed to return to your desk. Wait in the room until you are given your personal articles. Look through the box and be sure you have what you believe to be your personal property. I am not offering any legal advice, so please, when in doubt reach out to your advisors or contact your local workforce commission.
Call someone. After you exit the premises, reach out and let a trusted person know what has occurred. The vast array of emotions that could surface will be strong. Handling them alone is very challenging. People want to help, so let them. Yes, there are a few practical steps that should be taken very quickly, again, contact an attorney or trusted advisor to walk you through those.
What I really want you to know is that everyone should have the experience of losing a job at least once in your life. It humbles you. It means that you are in the wrong place with the wrong people and now you get to move on. I believe that losing jobs changed me in a few ways. First, I have taken time to discuss the “why” I ended up in a role that ultimately was not the best choice for me. Second, I have an empathy when speaking with co-workers and employees. Third, I speak up and fully engage when I work with a client. I do not let the fear of getting let go stop me from working in a way that is consistent with my values and work ethics.
Ultimately it has led me to find self-employment on my terms. This is still a work in progress. In Marc and Angel Chernoff’s Book, “1000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently”, they write, “No one wins at chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win.” There are plenty of books you can read to “Find your Parachute” or “Examine your Strengths”. I had a time when I was working in an extremely difficult office. It was a place of such tension and fear that to keep moving forward, I played Simon Sinek’s Ted Talk, “How Great Leaders Inspire Action” (Tedx September 2009) in my AirPods, on repeat daily. I made a deal with myself that if I could fill my ears with a message of focus and inspiration then I was developing a skill regardless of the place I was currently receiving a paycheck from.
To those reading this that recently lost your job, all I can say is I believe you. I believe every feeling and emotion you are experiencing. I also believe that tomorrow is another day. To those reading this that just walked out of a room where you let someone go, I believe you too. I believe that you thought long and hard about the conversation you just had. And I believe you will be just as changed from the experience.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please reach out to Mona@TheHopefulHostess.com with any questions or to schedule a consultation for Modern Etiquette and Communication. Check out our web page at https://thehopefulhostess.com. Have a wonderful week and I hope to see you next Monday.
The Hopeful Hostess 